Let’s Discuss the Good with the Not-So-Good

Bela is a light-skinned Latina with short, dark, curly hair and blue green eyes. She is smiling, wearing a black and white tank top and has tattooed arms. The background is a wooden path in a misty mountainous area. The text reads: "Let's discuss the good with the not-so-good". The bottom right corner contains Bela's logo of a light bulb with a plant growing inside and Bela Gaytan.

Bela is a light-skinned Latina with short, dark, curly hair and blue green eyes. She is smiling, wearing a black and white tank top and has tattooed arms. The background is a wooden path in a misty mountainous area. The text reads: “Let’s discuss the good with the not-so-good”. The bottom right corner contains Bela’s logo of a light bulb with a plant growing inside and Bela Gaytan.

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It's Okay to Celebrate Life During Tough Times

How do you find ways to celebrate the good during not-so-good times? In this video, I am discussing my journey in deciding that it’s okay to celebrate life even in the darkest of hours. 

I’d love to know if you’ve experienced the same guilt or uncertainty, wondering how can you find and celebrate the positive moments when you or others near you are in a difficult time in life. 

Below the video is a cleaned-up version of the video transcript. 

Super, uber, bonus nerd points if you can hear the faint background music and you know what it is and where it’s from!

Nice Hair

Hey gang!  Happy Friday!  I hope you’ve had a wonderful week and you’re looking forward to the weekend. I know that I sure as hell am! 

First of all, this is not permanent. I bleached my hair because I’m putting in a pretty vibrant color this weekend and I’m hoping this will help it take a little more. Jokes and teasing are completely welcome!

Your Love and Support Means the World to Me and my Family

Bela and her brother Randy in the late 70s, sitting on their dad's lap. Randy and Bela are light-skinned Chicanos with dark hair and blue eyes. Dad is a tan Chicano with dark hair and brown eyes.

Bela and her brother Randy in the late 70s, sitting on their dad’s lap. Randy and Bela are light-skinned Chicanos with dark hair and blue eyes. Dad is a tan Chicano with dark hair and brown eyes.

I first wanted to address the issue with my brother.  For those who may not know, my brother, Randy, has been in critical care since September 7 with massive internal bleeding.  He’s undergone several exploratory surgeries, as well as repair surgeries, including open incision.

But, we’re seeing little bitty, little bitty, little bitty improvements!  Baby, baby, baby steps and so we are cautiously hopeful, but – good news is still good news, right?  So I’m celebrating these tiny little wins. 

From my family to all of you, thank you so much for all the love, support, prayers, healing energy, positive vibes, lighting candles, and more.  Those of you that have offered to help and reached out to me and the rest of my family – we absolutely love you and we thank you so much.  If you wouldn’t mind to keep the prayers and the thoughts and everything coming, my brother could really use them!

How Do You Handle the Good During the Bad?

A red pill and a blue pill sit side by side on a light-colored surface, as a nod to Neo’s dilemma in The Matrix.  Image courtesy of Wikipedia.

So that brings me to my question. How do you deal with sharing good news during a not-so-good time? 

Let me say this again.  How do you feel when you think about or you want to or you’re unsure about sharing good news during a time that isn’t so good? Here are my thoughts on this. A little bit of context first, though. I’ve been sitting on some… well, probably some of the biggest news of my life here lately!

I felt really strange when I thought about sharing it now, considering the state of my brother.  He is in a hospital bed, fighting for his life, and I’m struggling to figure out if I should share my good news or not?  So of course, I chose not to.

It's Okay to Be Both Happy and Sad

But now I’m looking back to times when I’ve had my own little personal situations where I have found out that I have another rare unicorn disease, that’s going to cause me a lot of problems and make me have to basically teach my doctors what I have and how to take care of me. I’ve thought back to the times when I’ve had to have surgeries or I’ve lost someone very near and dear to me. And I remember one of the things that I sometimes encountered then was… sterility, if I can say that? 

Bela is laying in a hospital bed, after having her spinal cord detethered in July of 2020. Like the true dork she is, she’s blowing a kiss to her coffee, thankful for the sweet nectar of the Goddess to reach her lips. Her cheek is stained orange from her nurses spoiling her with orange sugar-free popsicles, her other favorite fluid in life.

And what I mean by that is when I can tell that people aren’t really being themselves. And this can be offline or online, you know. Maybe they’re not sharing as many memes as they typically do. Maybe they’re not joking around with me with the typical jokes that we do, you know. And while I understand it to an extent, it just feels very sterile, it felt very strange. I want people to still continue on with their lives and feel okay to be themselves and to be able to have happy moments and to be able to celebrate each day in their life, even if I can’t do the same in that moment. 

Bringing the Laughs and the Love

So as I pondered what to do and how to feel, I thought of how brother and I are very much alike… and we’re very much like our dad!  We’re the jokesters.  We are always on when it comes to the “comedy”.  We’re always playing around.  We’re always using humor to diffuse situations, lighten up the mood, and cheer people up.  But we also use humor to deal with the tough shit that comes along in life.  Humor is the all-purpose weapon and shield that we wield.  That was a pretty cool rhyme.  I’m going to have to start my rap career now. 

But… and I started thinking and I was like, you know another thing about my dad and my brother and myself, like we would give you the shirt off of our backs. Sometimes we go above and beyond to help others before we even help ourselves and that’s just, obviously a genetic trait that we have. But thinking about that, I started thinking… My brother would want me to share this, you know. My brother would want people to still be able to find some happiness in every day. So that’s what I’ve decided to do. 

Let's Learn Together

Misty valley with a wooden path and clouds.

Misty valley with a wooden path and clouds. 

It’s always a journey, to be able to learn how to deal with these tricky situations.  I think it’s really helpful when we can share our lived experiences together and possibly give ideas to others who may struggle in knowing how to handle this in the best way that suits their needs.  Because there’s not a one-size-fits-all, of course.  There’s no guidebook out there that says, “this is how you need to be and this is how you don’t need to be”… as much as some of the gatekeepers would like you to believe.  No, no, no.. no, no.  

Click 'Like', Comment, and Subscribe!

I thought I would put this video out here first before making my big announcement.  For one, I wanted to provide a more personal way to thank everyone.  But also, I have  to believe that other folks like me have struggled with understanding how to deal with these types of situations, as well.

So, I’m curious, if you’ll comment below.  Wait, let me be professional and be like “comment below” and point to the bottom of my camera screen.  I’m so not a pro with this stuff, gang, like not at all. I’m not cool enough to be like really cool on video yet!

Back on track:  please let me know how do you feel about this?  How have you dealt with this in the past?  How do you feel about sharing good news when you’re going through a very rough patch in your life, or someone very close to you is struggling through some hard times?

Final Thoughts

Bela currently has bleached hair that looks like a carrot vomited on her lovely little head of curls. She is wearing a dark grey tank top with black stars and smiling widely with her dark purple lipstick.

Bela currently has bleached hair that looks like a carrot vomited on her lovely little head of curls. She is wearing a dark grey tank top with black stars and smiling widely with her dark purple lipstick.

That’s it from me!  Feel free to make fun of this hair.  I could have waited until I dyed it to do this video but I was just kind of like: fuck it.  This is who I am at this moment and I don’t really give a shit.  This is still me. 

Much love, friends!  Be nice, do good, and be a cool human.  Tell people you care about them… because if I’ve learned anything this week, it’s that life is very short.  Our time is not guaranteed.

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